Day 3 ... Today Is a Bit Tougher

I woke up this morning feeling fat (yes, I know fat is NOT a feeling but I'm going with it anyway). I overate last night ... good food, salmon (it was delicious and I even cooked it in coconut oil), sweet potato and frozen grapes (my go-to snack almost every night). It wasn't the food, but the quantity.

I've always been a more, more, more girl. Hence my additive personality. If one is good, a thousand would be better. I've been addicted to alcohol, word games, men (I mean boys), romance/erotic novels, sleeping, food, food, food and whatever else keeps me distracted and numb. Again, nothing unique about me. I am certain millions of people have felt my feelings in one way or another.

But "feeling fat" is a huge trigger for me. If I "feel fat," I feel ugly, unlovable, unworthy, etc. I could blame my mother, and I often do, but the truth is, I'm a grown up and responsible for my feelings and for getting out of my own funk(s)! So as soon as I said in my head, I feel fat, followed almost instantaneously but the thought, I hate myself, I cut that thought right off with a few "I love myself, I love myself, I love myself." I'm not totally feeling it this morning, but I'm also not mired in self hate or loathing and I don't have the urge to eat like a bird or exercise like a maniac.

I also did 6 minutes of meditating this morning with I love myself. One minute more than yesterday so maybe that extra minute will spur some kind of positive thinking. I also read James Altucher's blog post yesterday. It was about how children laugh 300 times a day, while adults on average laugh 5 times a day. He wanted to know how that could happen and he said it explained why adults are so miserable. I definitely agree with that. I always tell my son I'm a 12-year-old stuck in a woman's body. I love to have fun and laugh. I wish I could play all day.

Anyway, with that post in mind, I decided to read The Bloggess, or Jenny Lawson, who is seriously one of the funniest writers I've read, and she did not disappoint. Read her entry here and I swear if you don't laugh, you seriously have something wrong with you ... or at least you don't have my kind of sense of humor and cannot be my friend, so there (how's that for a 12-year-old attitude?).

So ... I'm still at and will report back at the end of the day if any other amazing (or mind-numbing) ideas enter my brain.