Then the emails started to come in. First one, of course, was from Tim (he was the only guy on my list), and his unsurprising response: "It's always about you isn't it?" Love him.
And, then the rest ... I seriously was so touched by some of the messages I received, and from some women I haven't spoken to in years. One of my friends suggested I write a book. I giggled. Did I not mention in my blog that I rarely finish anything? I'm just psyched to be on Day 5 :-)
But then the fears kept on coming. I leave for the Grand Canyon on Tuesday, and I'm NERVOUS. I'm afraid I won't be in good enough shape compared to everyone else (yup, there's that compare word that always gets me in trouble ... or at least unhappy). While I have been working out, and have known about this trip since I booked it JANUARY, I have not gone on even ONE hike. I bought new hiking boots, and a back pack and walking sticks (or whatever they are called) and I have all the gear they said to buy (the buying part was fun) but I haven't used any of it! I'm seriously considering having Ben roll all the stuff around in the back yard so it gets dirty and doesn't look so new and so I won't look like such a novice hiking dweeb. Because really what matters is how I look. Yes, sarcasm is intended. (Speaking of dweebs ... Ben and I went to awesomecondc today ... that was geek central! See some pics below.)
Oh, and did I mention I have sleep apnea but I can't take the machine on this trip so some poor woman I'm sharing a room with is going to suffer through my snoring, which according to Tim, is quite unpleasant. I've bought ear plugs for her, and every "stop snoring" item I could find in CVS. I've got nose tape stuff to make my nostrils wider, and some kind of plastic thingy to put in my mouth to open up my airway more and even some throat spray that is supposed to do something. (Did I mention I believe almost any kind of advertising?) I really hope she doesn't hate me by the end of the trip.
I try to keep what I've learned F.E.A.R. stands for ... false evidence appearing real, but I'm really not sure this is all false evidence. I'm really not in that great of shape right now and I do snore so ... I'M SCARED.
But really what I need to look at is what is underneath the fear? That's where I'm hoping this "I love myself" project will help. Because I think what makes me most fearful is not being good enough and not being liked exactly as I am.
The good news is that I'm going on my trip no matter my fear, and I may be the slowest one up or down the canyon, and I may keep my roommate up with my snoring (oh, I hope not!), but I promise to enjoy every beautiful moment. Hope you and your loved ones have a wonderful Easter. Here's some shots of geeks at awesomecondc:
I fear you. Timmy
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